Affairs, we’ve all had one or two…or twenty plus (guilty). It’s fair to say that the age-old tradition of marrying your high school sweetheart is an unfounded fairy tale for the majority of us. There’s no shame, I’ve kissed a few toads and I probably liked it.
At some point, we stumble across somebody different but how do we know when we’ve found the ONE?
A lot of my loved-up friends used to tell me ‘when you know, you know’ but I’m pretty sure this was a cop out because they were too busy sucking face and being in love. Love is undoubtedly complicated and individual to us all – but I do think there are some signs that indicate that it’s looking pretty good for the two of you (or the three of you, if you’re into that).
- Being with them doesn’t feel like a chore.
I’ve had a few relationships where it’s all felt like a bit of an effort. Where spending an entire day with just that one person is a daunting prospect.
‘God, I’m going to have to shave my legs and actually get out of bed today?’
‘Maybe I can pretend I don’t feel well and have a night to myself?’
These are all thoughts I’ve had. When you’re with the right person, these just don’t come in to play. Sure, we all still enjoy our own space from time to time but generally you should look forward to being around the person you love. You want to make an effort for them because you care what they think. Until the point you’re so comfortable with each other you can slack on the shaving and they’ll think your sexy as anyway.
- Their bad behaviors don’t make you want to stab yourself.
Alright, so maybe their snoring evokes daydreams of suffocating them with a pillow or their knuckle-cracking earns them a slap on the wrist and a ‘stop that’, nobody is perfect. But a wise man (or woman) once said it’s the imperfections that make a person perfect and I’m a believer of this theory. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you learn to accept them for who they are, nail biting and all. Maybe you even start to find their little habits cute…
- You have fun doing literally nothing with them.
There’s no need to make any big plans or fill your days with adventures and stuff to keep you busy. Comfortable silences can exist between you. After the dating stage is over and the funds dry up, there will be a lot more ‘snacks and Netflix nights’ going on and in my opinion, these are some of the best.
- They’re the first person you turn to (Mum not inclusive).
Maybe you had a bad day, maybe you’re stressed with work or maybe some dickhead driver cut you up and pushed you over the edge into an emotional tidal wave of fury. Whatever the reason, they’re the person you think of calling or texting. They know exactly what to say because they know you better than anyone else.
- They bring out the best version of yourself.
In the same way that some people bring out our worst qualities, like that prick at work who seriously induces murderous thoughts, the right person can bring out our better sides. For me, it’s my kinder and softer side and I tease that my other half wasn’t funny ’til they met me. Whatever it is, if someone makes you a better version of yourself, they’re probably worth keeping around.
Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be an even more fabulous version of myself
6. You don’t keep significant secrets.
Alright, so you don’t have to tell them that you thought their one off attempt at cooking was awful, or that you sometimes devour share size portions of chocolate all to yourself – but you don’t feel the need to keep any big secrets from them. Even if it’s about mistakes you’ve made or things you worry people would usually judge you for; you’re comfortable enough with them to let them see the real you and confident that they’ll still love you anyway. LIKE IT OR LUMP IT BITCH.
- You’re happy to let them live their own lives.
If you feel the need to put a GPS tracker in their mobile just to keep tabs, it’s probably already over. A funcitioning relationship is centered around trust and respect. It’s healthy to do things separately from time to time.
8.You’re not keeping safety nets
If you find yourself making back-up plans, or keeping someone on the side just in case it ever goes wrong, it’s probably a sign something is wrong with this one.
9.You are willing to compromise.
If you want to date someone who agrees with you on everything, date yourself. There’s nothing sexier than someone who is willing to challenge you, a strong debate settled with some make-up sex is the stuff dreams are made of. Though on more serious stuff, you’re willing to meet them half way on matters. Maybe they have an interest in something you think is totally shit but you’ll share the interest with them now and then, because it makes you happy to see them happy, n’aw….
- You know they’d do all of the above for you too.
I’m not saying all of these are essential but if you’re hitting the majority, I’d say it sounds like a good thing. If your relationship is anything like these ones, thriving on a foundation of laughter.